Hello Delos world. Today its time to find out what type of harbor night watchman you’d be. You’re in the Solomon Islands, a South Pacific country known for its unruly pirate behavior. You’ve heard from multiple sources about the night boarding of vessels, plundering of goods and usage of machetes. Yes machetes! Tonight’s the night you start night watches of all god awful annoying things. Time to find out what kind of boat guard you’d be…?
Cheeseburgers at the yacht club were divine, but now its yachtie midnight (9PM) and the food coma is setting in. Which time of night best suits you to stay up and watch?
e) Sorry bro I’m still out at the club
Fiberglass boats are motoring back and forth to “fish”. Mysteriously their engines always die when they get close to your boat. Which weapon would you use to defend the boat from would-be thieves?
a) Flashlight, then run and tell somebody the boat is being robbed
c) Rambo knife if I don’t kill them with my hands.
d) Fishing gaff
e) I’ve got this half consumed bottle of Solbrew from the club in my hand
What type of lighting suits your mood?
a) Turn on all the lights, I want pirates to know I’m here and to stay far away
b) The light from my computer. It’s movie time!
c) Lights are for losers, I want to lure them in before I strike
d) The moon and sunrise are my lights
e) Red light district. Maybe I’ll get a pretty island pirate-ess up to the boat and plunder her booty
Who do you do night watch with?
a) I’m a girl, I don’t do night watches
b) Me and my partner stay up and watch movies together, we’re a couple
c) I’m a straight solo act. “My body is an island,” whatever that means
d) The stars keep me company
e) Whoever this random islander I got partying is. What’s her name again…
How do you pass the time?
a) Sleeping in my bed
b) Chatting with my hubby
c) Sharpening my Rambo knife, lurking in the shadows
d) Listening to music and watching boats act like they are fishing
e) Ecstasy and dance parties. I love that new GaGa song
You see a suspicious boat slyly drifting and lurking around your boat. What do you do?
a) Run and tell everyone, blow the airhorn, call the harbor police on channel 16
b) Bust him with the flash light and say, “gotcha bitch” in your best kiwi accent
c) Stay still in the dark waiting to pounce. You’ve been waiting for this; it’s game time!
d) Go out and ask him how his “fishing” is going
e) Invite him up for a glow stick battle dance off. Make sure he gets “served” before you kick him off .
Ok time to tally up the score board and find out what type of watch pirate watchman you are.
If you answered:
You’re just eye candy on the boat. Somebody important’s main squeeze. If you do a watch, it’s the first one. “This way I can finish that bottle of 1982 Chateau Margo and pass out promptly.” You don’t do much in the way of helping out and can’t be bothered. If you’re not already sleeping when the boat is getting mugged, then you’d probably run and call the boat police on channel 16, after waking everyone up with your bimbo blond horror screams. In all actuality, enjoy your nine hours of sleep barbie.
It’s hard to separate you lovers. You like to stay up together and watch movies and chat about life, love and where you’ll be 1,3, and 5 years from now. It’s cute, and sickening. You’ve got a good 2 hour section of the night to watch: 2400-0200. It’s when most “fishing” boats are humming back and forth, so be on your toes during nookie and post coital. If a boat did come close to your yacht you’d be outside blasting them with the flashlight saying, “gotcha bitch” while your hubby would be asking them hows the fishing at night.
Hello all you wannabe navy seals. Rambo has nothing on you lot. You’ve seen enough special forces movies and shows to think you’ve got what it takes to take down a small army of pirate rebels. You work alone and in the dark. Lurking in shadows, you’re tan naked body blends into its surroundings; darkness is your ally. Fishing gaff and then Rambo knife are how you roll. You’re here to inflict pain. “Beware locals, my enthusiasm alone might hurt you!”
C’s and D’s
The Man’s Man
Your beard is kept jungularly, you drink your scotch neat, and your abs come from six months of sailing; not the gym. You’ve got the good but serious watch, somewhere between 0200-0600. That’s when you’ve been told most of the looting goes down. You stay up by listening to music at low level. Yet, at the slightest sound you’re alert and ready. You prefer watch with the lights off because it improves your night-sight. As a solo act, you’re on your toes at the slightest sound of a humming motor. If need be that boat hook or machete is within arms reach. You’re there to get the job done and then go home safe. No heroics, “its just my job.”
Get a life loser.